My life has been directionless for so long, actually that’s not true, my life has a direction, if you can call a circle a direction? Like so many other people my life for so long has consisted of going round and round in circles kidding myself I knew where I was going.
This had to stop, because if it didn’t I think I was going to go insane, if I’m not already…lol. Like so many other people I have just been drifting through life for a very long time. I have been in a dead end job for 13 years, have lived in a horrid home with a useless landlord for 15 years and with each passing year I have become more complacent with my ever decreasing level of personal contentment.
Everyday I have become more hypnotized by the soul-destroying nature of my life. Just like most nine to fivers I wake up and like a good robot I instantly resume my programming from the day before. I can’t even kid myself that I make good money from my hypnotized life, because I don’t. Even the simple pleasures of life that others take for granted, are not so simple for us.
These past two months have been a shedding process for me, and at times it does feel that I am stagnating, but growth often does feel that way. I am currently creating new behaviors, new outlooks and a different future.
It takes a lot of energy to create change, and it takes consistent effort. Working to overcome my porn and masturbation addiction has taught me just how much energy these things take to change, so patience and being gentle with oneself is so important.
I have been creating daily disciplines to help me with the changes that I am creating within myself.
Currently these daily disciplines look like this.
- Mindful Morning Prayer.
- This is the time where I can reconnect with my source (God) before the ‘chaos’ of the day ensues. Many people pray robotically and from my point of view this is pointless and a waste of time.
- 10-15 minutes exercise before work.
- An excellent way of connecting with my body and actually feeling alive. Doesn’t have to be intense exercise, anything that focuses on the mind-body connection is great.
- Spend time each day visualizing the future I wish to create for myself.
- A rudderless boat can’t be navigated. Day dream your future and work towards it hand in hand with God as your guide.
- Write in my journal before bed.
- No need to write an essay, bullet points are fine. Write down whatever comes to mind. Good way of seeing patterns emerging in your life.
- Mindful Prayer before sleep.
- My bedtime prayers are like a mini-meditation. Another opportunity to strengthen my connection with source, and to remind myself that I am more than my physical body etc.
- Reminding my self regularly of my connection to God
- It is so very easy for me to fall into the old trap of selfish and negative thinking, so one of the things I do several times an hour is to think about God, sometimes these thoughts are positive affirmations and other times I literally think about what God is etc.
Over-coming a life-time of self imposed limitation is an exciting thing to contemplate, but it raises many other concerns too. These daily disciplines have been making slow and steady progress, but at this stage they are still accompanied by negative thoughts at times. This is natural because a negative mind really loves to challenge and make life miserable for those looking to change.
As Jesus stated during his Sermon on the Mount.
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”
The pathway to freeing one self from negativity and self destruction is indeed a narrow one and it is fraught with thoughts and often failure itself, but one only fails when he concedes defeat.
Be mindful of your motivations for change, because that in itself can be a tricky little devil that fools you. What are my intentions to change? That’s simple, I don’t want to suffer anymore. I don’t necessarily mean financially, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am done being a victim of circumstances, of others, and I am done being a victim of my SELF.
The pathway is hard, and at times I may feel like I am losing myself, but don’t we all have to lose ourselves in order to find ourselves?
The disciplines I outlined above are working for me, and they may work for you too. Give them a try if you feel so inclined.
Time to head through the narrow gate my friends.